I must say that my faith in humanity has waxed and waned over the last few weeks. I feel as though I have unknowingly become a passenger on a horrific, and at times, peaceful rollercoaster ride.
Ride with me, will you?
The steep accent is exciting, yet fearful as we slowly climb the tracks – look around and for if only a brief moment notice the beauty that is the earth below you. The others are mingling what now seems so far beneath your feet. There is an anticipatory – almost eerie silence – as we wait to discover the thrill that will meet us over the hill. As we reach the summit of the tracks time stands still…..then….with a quick gasp of life breath………click. We plummet downward, screaming, knuckles white gripping the metal bracing. Physically we feel the powerful force of gravity push our bodies back against the seats. Exhilarated, fearful, we attempt to measure the twists, turns, loops around and around. Yes, this is exciting! The adrenalin forces through our veins creating a dizzying energy. The excitement is intoxicating. Soon this ride will be over, or will it?
This emotional traverse, however cliché it may seem is a continued struggle I skirmish each week although, it often seems the ride never ends. I commented to a colleague that our days often seem like Groundhog Day (the movie) a repetition of the previous day with little variation. This colleague gently advised me that in the movie the character experiencing these repetitive days “eventually learned from his mistakes and became a better person.” OUCH!! Well I suppose it was my blunder to reveal my selfish troubles to a mental health professional. Nevertheless, I continued to observe the mêlée of my expectations with sobering veracity of life.
When do things change, people change? Do these people think I do not see through their thinly veiled attempts at triangulation, manipulation and outright lies? There may have been a time in my life that I could have “related” to these destructive behaviors, but now I frequently feel weary and out of ideas.
