After working with people all day I often come home feeling weak. Not just physically weak, but emotionally and mentally weak as well. And the soul sucking, disturbed and selfish behaviors of those I work with don’t alleviate the weakness either. This profession can be very rewarding and fulfilling, given the right set of circumstances. Let say everyone you work with, other professionals, supervisors, and administrative personnel have a healthy emotional life and are well balanced; well then the daily job itself can be joyful and wonderful. But really what world do we live in? Most of us who join the ranks of the "great thinkers" and leaders are often just as crazy if not crazier then most. And this is the juxtaposition, cross roads and humble awakening that every professional will face at some painful point.
There is no glamour in this profession. No, in fact the day to day work of what we do is time consuming, thought provoking and often heartbreaking. People are often so misguided, lost and although many report the desire to “do better” (whatever that means) ultimately, when it comes down to the truth of the issue most people want anyone to listen without judgment and tell them what they are doing is in fact, "okay." “Just do that more” or “don’t do that anymore” these simple, yet very accurate statements seem to be the realistic total of what people need to hear. Why then, are so many people so BLIND to their destruction? How can people continue to repeat the same action over and over again and expect different results? Why is blame so easy? At what point or chaotic life occurrence do others finally look into the mirror and face the TRUTH?
Some need to be told that life is not a conspiracy to “break them” or “ruin their lives.” I would say that they need to be told that good intentions are not a road to Pleasantville, but rather more often than not, hell. One's egregious errors in judgment are not someone else’s fault. Self-responsibility is just that, an issue of the SELF!! If you open your big fat mouth and say inappropriate things to others you ARE responsible for your words. It was your ailing brain that fired the neuron that told you complaining, negativity and accusations are the right things to say. You said the words, willingly, without hesitation and if you’re honest with yourself, you did so with some kind of disturbing up pleasure. And now that the deed is done you find you have maneuvered yourself into a tight little corner and it seems that they only way out is to shovel loads of bull all over everyone else in an attempt to deflect from you. I suppose this is a well crafted plan if all others involved were lobotomized monkeys. Oh but you see, your evil plan may have worked in the past with dim-witted lowlifes, morons and brainless drug addicts and now the players are wise to your games. What, you may ask yourself, what will happen? Perhaps some last ditch efforts to avoid the obvious? Trite statements made in passing? Pathetic accusations made against those who worked to once protect you? It seems you will face judgment soon, but not soon enough to fully appreciate the ever so tangled and twisted heap of mess you have once again littered along the path of mankind.
I have no more pity left for you. You have used all of your second chances. Yes, you will now be held to be responsible for your choices and from where I sit it will be painful. My observation of your obtuse choices are from afar but yet just close enough to let you see me shake my head in disgust as I turn to walk away.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Saturday, August 9, 2008
The brain is an interesting organ....
The brain is an interesting organ. Let’s see, my serotonin could be whacked out, perhaps I’m tired, oh or maybe I’ve slipped into a mildly delusional state where my hemispheric operation is clouded. I suppose I feel aggressively melancholy. In some ways I have chosen not to make a choice, which really is a choice but an indolent and feeble choice nevertheless.
Frequent shifts in emotion can be a normal experience.
As I drove home this evening I observed an older man on a motorcycle. I methodically watched as he weaved in and out of traffic with an almost whimsical ease. His long gray hair, partially covered in a weathered bandana, fluttered as the wind blew around his face. And then for a moment my soul longed for the freedom he must have felt. For a few moments, all logic, caution and fear that normally accompanies my perspective about motorcycle ownership, was gone. I was, for a few, brief moments with this man, feeling his exhilaration, excitement, freedom and peace of being alone united with the elements and riding into the sunset. Well, maybe not into the sunset, but at least into the evening as the sun lowered into the west, which leads me to a reoccurring thought I have from time to time. And it’s not really a thought but more of an emotion, mixed with memory and sprinkled with sensory stimulation. Certain times of the year, during specific segments of the day, always when I am outside I have an experience so pleasant and calming I delight with inescapable peace. Often the simple act of watching the foliage on an old oak tree sway in the warm, sweet summer breeze can hearken me back to a childhood memory of playing hide and seek till dusk with childhood friends. Or the smell of a humid, summer evening, I call to mind memories of young adulthood when the possibility and hope of my future seemed so eternal and electrifying. It’s these fleeting moments that leave me in a reverie, tranquil and lost in thought. Really life is all about these moments, the small but memory laden moments. I have a thousand of these “moments” and with each step I take towards a greater appreciation for my life I also gather more of these and I suppose at the end of the day this is the emotional refuge that I take cover. Maybe this is joy, the fruit that bears on the tree of a rich spiritual life.
